Carey's Mansion for SegaRare Characters: Dinner is screwed
by videogamenerd123
Summary: Conker and Cassidy get lost in the mansion. They get into new problems and solutions as they go. Will Cassidy get home on time? Will Conker get to eat?


Dinner is screwed

Conker and Cassidy stare at the view outside on the balcony at the top of the mansion. Cassidy strained to see what Conker told her to see.

Cassidy: I- I can't!

Conker: You can.

Cassidy: But-

Conker: Try.

Cassidy: The grey?

Conker: No. the white.

Cassidy: You mean—

Conker: Yes.

Cassidy: Oh, I-

Conker: Good.

Cassidy: I think-

Conker: Yes?

Cassidy: With the chips?

Conker: Left.

Cassidy: Left?

Conker: Right?

Cassidy: Right?

Conker: No. Left is right.

Cassidy: Oh, next to the—

Conker: Yes, yes, yes! That brown corner left of the chips sign next to the phone pole is the corner of the roof of your house! How cool is that?

Cassidy: Wow, that's, uh, really cool.

Conker: Don't you get it? That is your house and you can see it from here!

Cassidy: Mm-hm.

Conker: You're stupid! You just can't appreciate the little things in life.

Cassidy: Like the corners of buildings?

Conker: Yes, you are a stupid and terrible person because you have no appreciation for the corners of buildings. I'm just kidding, that's no big deal! Besides, I'd never call you stupid or terrible.

Mr. Mosbey: (intercom) ahem… dinner is served.

Conker: Hey, wanna stay for dinner?

Cassidy: I gotta get home.

Conker: Why? Ya got homework?

Cassidy: No, because I have to look at those roof corners.

Conker: Shuttup.

In the mansion, every Sega/Rare character is in the dining room, getting ready to eat.

Maddie: All right, everbody, dig in!

Mr. Mosbey: Wait, Someone is not here.

Maddie: Who? Who's not here? This place is packed.

Maddie looks at the only empty chair.

Maddie: Conker.

Back with Conker and Cassidy, they get lost.

Conker: Don't even say it!

Cassidy: Conker, I think we're-

Conker: Quiet!

Cassidy: Sorry, but-

Conker: Shuttup.

Cassidy:*sigh* Dude, we're lost.

Conker: We are not lost! I'm just not*opens a door with bubbles floating around inside*- 100% sure-*opens a door with a train charging towards* AAAAAHHH! *closes the door* *opens a door with bricks inside* where we are, that's all.

Cassidy: Well, I'm sure I'm gonna be screwed up when I get home. Plus, I bet you're getting hungry thinking of all the tasty, delicious, mouth-watering—

Conker: Enough already!

Cassidy: And you're ticked…

Conker: Look, I know we're lost, I know you're late, I know I'm hungry, and yes I know I'm ticked! But you pointing all this out isn't getting us any less lost, any less late, or any more fed.

Cassidy: Hey, all I'm trying to say is if you hadn't asked me up to the highest point in the mansion to look at some stupid little bit of roof, I'd be home and you'd be-

Back in the dining room,

Maddie: -Eating! Please, everyone should be eating.

Batula: No. The shall be no food consumption until Conker arrives.

Maddie: Yeah? Well, I didn't spend the afternoon slaving over a hot stove to have all my dishes just sit there on the table and get cold. Now, everyone, eat!

Everyone was going to eat until they got cut off.

Mr. Mosbey: Stop!

Maddie: Eat!

Mr. Mosbey & Batula: Stop!

Maddie: Eat!

Mr. Mosbey: You see? They know that the polite and proper thing to do is to wait until all are present before one begins a meal.

Batula: Even I, Who vould love to be satiated though ofter over-done steamed vegetables, as I am a vegetarian sometimes, I am restrainin myself out of principle.

Maddie: Fine! You don't wanna eat, that's your problem. I, on the other hand, am eating.

Maddie grabs a few pieces of food and looked at Conker and Cassidy's friends with sad faces. Maddie put her food down.

Maddie: Oh, screw it!

Back with Cassidy and Conker,

Conker: I can't believe this. I simply cannot believe this.

Cassidy: You can't believe it? I can't believe it. Don't you, like, live here or something?

Conker: Look, Ms. Smartypants, maybe you should lead the way.

Cassidy: Ok, I will. Follow me. I'll get you downstairs in no time. Just you wait.

Back in the dining room,

Maddie: Just wait? Just wait?! Are you out of your minds? Look at 'em!

Mr. Mosbey: Please clean the saliva.

Mr. Mosbey and Batula start talking to Maddie about table settings. Carey started to pass food down to Sega/Rare characters.

Back with Conker and Cassidy,

Cassidy: Watch and be amazed as I, Cassidy, succeed where you, Conker, have failed, for behind this door, all of our worries shall disapper. Voila!

Conker and Cassidy end up back on top of the mansion from where they have started from.

Conker: What the-

Cassidy: But, we went down.

Conker: That made no sense at all. We were going down.

Cassidy: Yeah, we went down. How is that possible?!

Conker: I dunno, but if I don't get any food soon, I'm the one who's going down. If you wanna get outta here, you're gonna have to follow me. I have a plan that's gonna stop us from going around in-

Back in the dining room,

Carey kept tossing food to the Sega/Rare characters as Maddie had to learn the proper method for cleaning.

Mr. Mosbey: -Circles, Madeline.

Maddie: Dude, if you just let them eat their dinner, they wouldn't be drooling and I wouldn't need to learn the proper method for cleaning up spit!

Mr. Mosbey looked at Carey, who just sat there like an angel.

Mr. Mosbey and Batula kept blabbing to Maddie and Carey started to toss more food.

Back with Conker and Cassidy, they were sliding in air ducts.

Conker & Cassidy: WHOOHOO!

Cassidy: Where are we going?

Conker: Hopefully not the roof. WHOOHOO!

Then, they landed in a cart of laundry.

Conker: That was awesome!

Cassidy: Totally! Now what?

Conker: Well, from what we've been through, I don't think I could trust this crazy place.

Cassidy: Good point, but did you actually plan for us to land in here?

Conker: Yeah, but like I told you, this place is crazy! Check it! I've got a totally amazing idea.

Cassidy: Are you gonna eat socks? Because if you are, EW!

Conker: What? EW! No! I'm not gonna eat 'em, Watch this!

Conker starts to drop a piece of clothing for each step he to out of the laundry room.

Conker: *acting*Oh no. I am lost. Where is Cassidy? Oh look, a trail of clothes. I will follow it. *comes to the entrance* Oh, Cassidy. I have found you. This helpful trail of clothes has shown me where I have been and where I have not. Thanks to them, I am safe from my lost sense of direction. Oh thank you, helpful trail of clothes.*stops acting* Yeah! WOO! Take that, crazy, mixed up mansion. Who's the boss? Who's not getting lost in you no mo? Who's getting dinner? Yes! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Yeah! Woo! Woo! Woo! *hi fives Cassidy* *plays air guitar* Here, grab some clothes.

With that, Conker and Cassidy each had a pile of clothes in their arms. Conker started tossing each piece as they went.

Cassidy: This is a pretty good idea, Conker! I was afraid that they were gonna have to send a search party.

Mr. Mosbey: Now, get going!

Banjo, Kazooie, Tails, Ze Professor, Sonic, Knuckles, Rodent, Amy, Rouge, Big, Cream & Cheese set out to find Conker and Cassidy.

Banjo: They probably got locked up on the roof or something.

Kazooie: Kazooie.

Big: Yeah

Sonic: And who cares about seeing a small corner of Cassidy's house from up there? It's not that much of a big deal.

Conker: *singing* I'm so awesome, so awesome I'm gonna get dinner, get dinner we've already been here let's go this way, go this way.

The search party kept walking until they come up to a sock, which causes Big to scream.

Big: AAAAAHHHH!

Banjo: Guys, don't worry, it's just dirty laundry. In fact, it's a lot of dirty laundry. Look at this mess. This is not even necessary. C'mon, guys, Conker and Cassidy'll just have to wait. Let's clean up this mess.

Kazooie found a t-shirt and grabbed with her mouth and started to chew on it.

Big: Kazooie, no! *grabs the T-shirt* You can't eat this! You'll probably get poisoned!

Banjo: *takes the T-shirt* No, Kazooie, you're not supposed to eat this. I know you're hungry, but you can't eat clothes.

Kazooie: Kazooie.

Banjo: Maybe they are a good source of fiber, but still.

Big: Bad Kazooie!

Everyone starts to walk off. But then, Big looked down and saw a t-shirt with a popsicle on it. Kazooie ate it and then they walked off with the rest of the group. Conker and Cassidy are still walking and setting down pieces of clothes, one by one. But, the search party picked up all of the seen clothes and continued to search for Conker and Cassidy. Conker and Cassidy found that there were no clothes to be seen.

Conker: Hold the phone, where are our trails? I know I dropped a pair of jeans right here.

Cassidy: Ya sure?

Conker: Trust me. Handling someone else's drawers is something you don't forget.

Cassidy: Ok, so where did the clothes go? They couldn't have grew legs and walked away.

Conker: Maybe…

Cassidy: What?

Conker: No, I might be crazy.

Cassidy: What?

Conker: (a little scared) Maybe this mansion…

Cassidy: (a little scared) Yeah?

Conker: This mansion might actually be a haunted mansion.

Cassidy: Yeah?

Conker: And it's secret ghosts eats clothes!

Cassidy: You're right.

Conker: You think?

Cassidy: You are crazy.

Conker: *dizzily* They're hungry I tell ya. They're slowly eating my brain. Soon there'll be nothing left of me. Goodbye, Cassidy, old buddy, old pal. *sniffs(smelling)* What's that? What's that smell?

Cassidy: Dirty laundry?

Conker: What? EW! NO! Food! C'mon, let's kick it into high gear!

Conker and Cassidy started running. Back in the dining room, Carey stomps on Batula's foot.

Batula: OW! Madeline, I understand that you are upset with me and Mr. Mosbey, but zat is no reason to act so childishly.

Maddie: (confused) What?

Mr. Mosbey: Don't feign innocence, young lady. But, that is no reason to kick Batula.

Carey kicks Mr. Moseby's foot.

Mr. Mosbey: OW! Or me.

Maddie: I did not!

Maddie saw Carey gathering more food to give to the Sega/Rare characters. They both gave each other winks and a thumbs up. Carey went under the table. Maddie kicked Mr. Mosbey.

Mr. Mosbey: OW! Madeline! What do you think you are doing?

Maddie: Nothing. Nothing.

Batula: Vell, I am going to try to find Conker and Cassidy, and I vill see to it zat I vill find zhem.

Batula turns into a bat and flys out of the dining room. Maddie kept distracting Mr. Mosbey.

Maddie: *pulls on Mr. Mosbey's tie*

Mr. Mosbey: Oh! You are stretching my best tie!

Maddie: *tickles Mr. Mosbey* Coochie, coochie, coo!

Mr. Mosbey: *laughing*

Maddie: *pulls on Mr. Mosbey's suit* (to herself) Wow. This is more fun than I imagined.

Carey comes back up from the table.

Mr. Mosbey: Carey, do you have any idea of the sheer disrespect Madeline has just given to me?

Carey: *acting*Shame on you, Maddie!

Maddie: I sorry, Mr. Mosbey. I've been a bad girl.

Carey silently giggled after Maddie said it.

Mr. Mosbey: Well, I should say so, Madeline. See to it that it will never happen again.

Maddie and Carey laid back in their chairs in a smug way and gave each other a thumbs up. Meanwhile, Conker is going insane over the smell.

Conker: It smells amazing!

Cassidy: I know but-

Conker: I can't stand it!

Cassidy: But what about-

Conker: I don't care! It smells so…*opens a door*

Conker & Cassidy: EWW!

Turns out the smell of the "delicious" food is actually small, dead animals. The Panther King was eating the dead animals.

Panther King: And to what do I owe the unwelcome intrusion of Conker and girl.

Cassidy: First of all, my name's Cassidy not "girl". Second, please, your evilness, I'm late, Conker's starving and going insane just look at him!

Conker: Go insane? Don't mind if I do! Ding a ding ding ding a ding ding ding a ding ding. I'm a scatman!

Cassidy: And, we're totally lost. Can you tell us how to get downstairs?

Panther King: Yes.

Conker: Cool! Thank god! In a meantime, I'm gonna scat with scatman.

Cassidy: Um, hello!

Panther King: Yes?

Conker: You gonna tell us how to get downstairs?

Panther King: No.

Cassidy: But you said-

Panther King: You asked if I could, and I can. You didn't ask if I would, and I won't.

Conker: *walks up to the Panther King* (angerly)Why I oughta… And I WILL! I swear to god so help me, *picks up the Panther King's phone*I'm going to use this! And guess where this is gonna end up?

Panther King: I dare you!

Cassidy: Don't provoke him! He's crazy from hunger! He'll do it!

Conker: (angerly)Oh, yes! I'll do it alright!

Panther King: Again, I dare you!

Conker: (angerly) Grr! THAT'S IT!

Conker slams the phone down and calls "Domino's Pizza".

Conker: Yeah, Domino's Pizza, I'd like to order 12 extra, extra large pepperoni pizzas with extra sauce and extra cheese to Carey's Manison. Yeah, that's the place, thanks! (to the Panther King)*backs up next to Cassidy*Ha! Take that! Not so smart, are ya? That's right, who's got the brains, baby? Uh-huh!

Panther King: Tell me, genius, if you don't know how to get downstairs, how will you answer the door when your precious pizzas arrive?

Conker: … (angerly) AAAAAAHHHHH! *runs to the Panther King*

Cassidy: *running after Conker* Conker, no!

The Panther King has a secret button. The button activates a trap door. Conker and Cassidy stop at where they are standing, over the open trap door.

Conker: A trap door?

Cassidy: Yep.

Conker & Cassidy: I hate this *falls* hooouuuuuse!

Conker and Cassidy were falling in the trap door for 5 minutes straight. Then, the trap door spat them onto the roof.

Conker & Cassidy: AAAAAAHHHHH! OW!

Cassidy: But… It's not possible. We-we fell, but came back up. How is this possible?

Conker: *singing* (dizzily) This place is crazy, it's crazy. I'm so hungry, I'm crazy, I'm crazy. Doo-dah doo-dah, dah-dah-doo*stops singing* (dizzily)*laughs* Wow. We're really high up. Oh, look, the pizza man. Hi, pizza man. We're really high up and you look like an ant.

Cassidy: Wait… What did you say?

Conker: "Ant".

Cassidy: Before that.

Conker: "An".

Cassidy: Before.

Conker: "Like"?

Cassidy: No before.

Conker: "Look".

Cassidy: No. uh, 9 words before that.

Conker: Uhhhh… "High".

Cassidy: No, no. After that.

Conker: "Pizza".

Cassidy: And after that?

Conker: Um, "We're"? No, "Man"!

Cassidy: "Hi, pizza man"?

Conker: "Hello"!

Cassidy: No, the pizza man is down there. If we can get down there from up here, you can get your pizza and I can get out of here.

Conker: Down there?

Cassidy: Yes!

Conker: From up here?

Cassidy: Yes! But how, a ladder? Man, this is tough.

Conker: No. sheets!

Cassidy: Conker!

Conker: No. Sheets. Sheets. Bed sheets! *grabs Cassidy* C'mon!

Cassidy: What are you-

Conker: Trust *jumps into the trap door* meeeeeeeeee!

Downstairs at the entrance door, the pizza man has the pizzas and asks Mr. Mosbey about the pizzas.

Mr. Mosbey: Trust you? No, trust me. I assure you we did not order a dozen pizzas.

Pizza man: Uh… 'kay. Here's your pizzas, man

Mr. Mosbey: I must reiterate, we did not order any pizzas, and furthermore, I am not a "man".

Pizza man: Oh, I get it.

Mr. Mosbey: Good!

Pizza man: Here's your pizzas, not a "man".

Back in the dining room, Carey and Maddie kept feeding everyone who's present in the dining room. They didn't stop for anything. With the search party, everyone is tired and hungry.

Search party: (tired) Conker! Cassidy!

Kazooie seemed very hungry. When she saw a painting, she grabbed it with her mouth and chewed on it.

Search party(except Kazooie) Kazooie!

Banjo: Don't eat that!

Conker and Cassidy peeked into the Panther King's bedroom. And then popped out of the trap door.

Conker: AHA!

Conker and Cassidy started running towards the Panther King's bed. Conker removed the blanket and Cassidy kicked the pillows off. They took the sheets and put them onto the matress. They run off with the matress and the sheets.

Conker: Shuttup shuttup shuttup shuttup shuttup shttup shuttup shuttup shuttup!

Conker and Cassidy ran in the same hallway where the search party is.

Ze Professor: Conker? Cassidy? Vhere have you two been?

Conker and Cassidy just shoved the mattress out of the window and grabbed onto a rope made out of bed sheets. Once they have grabbed the rope, Conker and Cassidy jumped out.

Search Party: Conker! Cassidy!

Conker and Cassidy held onto the rope very tight. Unfortunatley, they only went down 40 inches below.

Meanwhile in the dining room, every Sega/Rare character has full bellies, one of the Sega/Rare characters was eating jellotan through a straw. The Sega/Rare character was slow and Maddie started making had gestures because Mr. Mosbey is walking back to the dining room with a dozen pizzas. As soon as the Sega/Rare character finished the jello, Maddie sighed for relief.

With the search party and Conker and Cassidy, the search party started pulling on the rope while Conker and Cassidy started to try to climb down.

Conker: I told you there's secret ghosts who were trying to eat us!

Conker and Cassidy ran out of rope to climb and fell down to the mattress. The search party started tumbling back to the dining room. Conker and Cassidy bounced off the trampoline and back on the roof.

Conker & Cassidy: (angerly)AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Back in the dining room, the search party just came tumbling in.

Mr. Mosbey: Banjo, Kazooie, Big, Rodent, Sonic, Knuckles, Tails, Amy, Rouge, Cream & Cheese, Ze Professor, quit dilly-dallying and retrieve Conker, so he could begin his meal. By the sound of things, I believe he's on the roof. Are you all aware that you can just see Cassidy's abode from the topmost tower? Quite fascinating.

The search party hung their heads down in shame as they went back upstairs. Meanwhile, Conker is feeling woozy and Cassidy puts her head in her hands and keeps repeating the same thing.

Cassidy: I'm so screwed. I'm so screwed.

Conker: (woozly)Can't… Go… On… Hate mansion. Need food. Ohhh.

Cassidy: Aw man, you don't look so good. Stay right here. I'll see if I could find some help.

Conker starts to hallucinate and looks at a lamp as if it were a candy straw.

Conker: Mmm…

Cassidy: (from a distance) I'll be right back!

Then, a drumstick looking Sega/Rare character comes out.

Conker: Mmm! Cassidy food! Eat Cassidy!

He started running to the drumstick guy all around. The drumstick ran into a corner and Conker started coming towards him.

Conker: Conker want chickey tonight! Oh, you look so fingy lickey goo! I'm sorry, but I gotta do it! Gotta eat Cassidy!

Drumsticky: Cassidy? Cassidy? Who's Cassidy? Name's Drumsticky, man.

Cassidy: What are you doing?

Conker: Huh?

Drumsticky: What's this guy's trip, man? He's plumb loco. Is he yours?

Cassidy: Yeah, he's my Sega/Rare character. Conker, come here, boy.

Conker acted like a dog and went to Cassidy on all 4's and stood behind her.

Cassidy: I'm sorry. He's just hungry. Are you a Sega/Rare character.

Drumsticky: Yeah, I'm a Sega/Rare character. It's hard to talk about, but I was created by a kid who was in a weight maintenance program who was really hungry, really hungry. There was a whole lot of us who were thought-up there, but Carey's came in and got us out just in time. Those were dark days, man. I still get these flashbacks.

Cassidy: Bummer. So, why aren't you down at dinner?

Drumsticky: You're sick, man. Sega/Rare food characters never go to dinner. Not since what happened to George.

Cassidy: But, don't you guys have to eat?

Drumsticky: *shudder* What's wrong with you, man? That's, like, taking down your own.

Cassidy: Then you wouldn't know how to get downstairs then, huh?

Drumsticky: Of course we do. In order to avoid the enemy, you've gotta become the enemy, think like 'em, get in their brains, 'ya dig?

Cassidy: Well, we've been trying to get down there all night. Can you take us?

Drumsticky: Yeah, ok. But you better get that squirrel guy under control.

Cassidy: No problem.

Drumsticky: Follow me.

Back in the dining room

Mr. Mosbey: I must thank all of you for following my lead in proper etiquette, dear friends, I'm sorry, and I know you must all be famished, but the meal will commence once the late Conker is apprehended by our trusty and reliable search party.

With the search party, everyone is sitting on the ground being very hungry. Back with Conker and Cassidy, they follow Drumsticky.

Cassidy: Hey, this looks familiar.

Drumsticky: Yep, we're in enemy territory now, girl. Keep your eyes open. And watch my back! Being this close to the enemy ain't a lone leg out on his own. You never know when someone's just gonna lose it.

Conker's mouth started to water and foam, he's totally insane.

Conker: FOOD!

Drumsticky: Abort mission! Evasive maneuvers! Serpentine! Serpentine!

Cassidy: Conker, stop!

Conker started chasing Drumsticky again, and Cassidy ran after Conker. They ran everywhere. Until, Drumsticky went inside of a knight armor statue-like object.

Cassidy: (angerly)WHY DID YOU DO THAT FOR?! WE WERE ALMOST THERE!

Conker: HUNGY! CONKER HUNGY!

Cassidy: NO! YOU SCREWED US UP!

Conker: YOU SCREWED US UP!

Cassidy: NO! YOU SCREWED US UP!

Conker: YOU DID!

Cassidy: NO! YOU DID!

Conker: OH, YEAH?

Cassidy: YEAH!

Conker and Cassidy grabbed each other and started to roll on the ground. They started rolling away. Everywhere they went until they fell out of the same window they tried to jump out of before. They bounced off the mattress and into the entrance.

Conker: Wait… How did we get here?

Cassidy: It's probably because when we were tumbling, we found our way back.

Conker: Man, I really screwed us up that time. I was the one who got us lost in the first place.

Cassidy: Yeah, but thanks to you grabbing me in the first place, we're not lost!

Conker: Thank god! Well, see 'ya tomorrow!

Cassidy: See 'ya!

Cassidy started walking home and Conker made a run for the kitchen.

Conker: Howdy, everybody! Sorry I'm late. Man, am I hungry.

Mr. Mosbey: Not so fast, Conker. We've restrained ourselves just waiting for you to arrive.

Conker: Yeah, thanks. And now I'm here. Let's dig in.

Mr. Mosbey: Well, Banjo, Kazooie, Big, and the other have been looking for you. Now, we'll have to wait for them too.

Conker: Oh, great. Well, screw this!

Conker got out of his seat and went into the kitchen to make a bag of popcorn. Meanwhile, everyone else who was searching for Conker, is lost. They're in an unknown place.

Kazooie: Kazooie?

Banjo: No, not the blue, the pink.

Rodent: Is it left?

Tails: I thinks it's right.

Big: Oh, right.

Knuckles: Right.

Amy: No, I think it was left.

Cream: Are you sure?

Rouge: No, Amy, it's not left.

Ze Professor: Yes, it is right.

Sonic: Yeah, the kid with the pink shirt. Is that Cassidy? Wait… No Conker isn't with her.

Banjo: Let's just go back down, guys, Conker's probably there.

The End.


End file.
